the forest

i could feel a hot tear run down shakira’s cheek when i squeezed her tight to say goodbye. she had been mostly quiet on my last visit to her house. her sisters ran around full of energy, giving me hugs and kisses and little gifts, and asking me please not to go home to “candada,” but shakira just clung loyally to my side. every once in a while, she and i would catch eyes and we would share a special moment. we were both so glad to be together one last time, but so sad to say goodbye.

i had to say goodbye to appolonaire and john yesterday too. and this afternoon i will give my last hugs to valence, jean paul and maman brigitte. the pain that i’m caused by these goodbyes makes me question what good it has done anyone to build these relationships in the first place. i mean, i’m about to take off and leave these beautiful people behind, perhaps never to see them again. am i causing more pain than it’s worth by being another person in their life who abandons them? it’s as if any work i did to heal wounds will be undone and reversed by my leaving; i’m tearing out the stitches.

i wrote those last two paragraphs yesterday, but didn’t have direction to finish my thoughts. re-reading it tonight, i see exactly how God used today’s circumstances to address my worries.

three different people came to me today to tell me what God has done in their life through me and my time here in rwanda. interestingly, none of them were people who i thought i had ministered to, so i was quite surprised, and reminded that God always works in ways i don’t expect.

one of those people was a friend of mine named julien. he’s the type of guy who everybody is strangely drawn to because he is so guided by God’s spirit, and he shared with me this evening that he believes God sent me to rwanda as an encouragment specifically for him. something about my life (something that i’ve actually been quite discouraged about lately), has inspired julien to not be afraid of a big calling that God has placed on his life.

i was incredibly humbled as i considered the notion that maybe my role as a tree in the story about God’s forest was simply to come to rwanda to encourage julien. after all, God is the sort of author that is willing to go to great lengths to transform his characters. as i walked quietly beside julien in the cool, kigali night air, i felt content. God, i prayed, even if your only reason for me flying across the ocean this summer was to do this one thing, i am glad i did it. i like being a tree in your story.”

and the thing is, i think God actually uses willing trees in bigger ways than we realize. i heard from three people tonight about what God has done through me, but i imagine God — in all his extravagant grace — has used me as a vessel for other acts of transformation during my time here. i might not ever know who i helped or how i helped them, but i think i’ll be able to feel the story i’m part of growing to be more and more meaningful. God’s forest is vibrant and advancing in a way trees standing on their own just cannot be.

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